This Fragile Life

I've been off the past week. Sad. Calling home just to hear my parents voices. Calling friends to catch up and vent. Trying to be upbeat and not stress out Jared who is working so so much. It has been tough. My race training isn't going well... I'm distracted... down.

Because bad things happen. Awful things happen for no reason and I can understand. On Friday we received news that one of J's fraternity brothers suddenly passed away. He was fine, had a headache a couple weeks ago bad enough to go to the ER where the CT scan showed a tumor that the doctor thought was benign. Two weeks later he is gone. Seriously one of the nicest guys. One of those guys that you can't help but like. A true gentlemen.

I just keep thinking about his wife. I can't help but think about how she is... how is she even able to wake up every morning? It is truly just too awful. This past weekend was also the anniversary of the death of our friend Jeff Kaylor. It has been 9 years... feels like a blink of an eye and a lifetime simultaneously. I miss him. I think of this poem by Mary Frye when I think of death. 

Do not stand at my grave and weep,

I am not there; I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow,

I am the diamond glints on snow,

I am the sun on ripened grain,

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning’s hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circling flight.

I am the soft star-shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,

I am not there; I did not die.

So I am trying to get out of this rut. To live every day and try and soak up this happy life we are living, not understanding why such sadness needs to happen and slightly scared for a time that "bad things" will happen to me and those I love.